What do you need to hear today? Part two.
The alternative title for this blog is ‘How to ask for what you need instead of getting cross that your loved ones aren’t psychic’. Not quite as catchy, is it?
But we all do it. We get all prickly and bent out of shape because the people around us don’t pick up on clues and give us what we need - without us telling them.
But what if your clues aren’t clear enough? What if your beloved has many wonderful skills but isn’t great at tuning into your mood? Or they’re fantastic at reading you, but they’re genuinely baffled as to what to do or say sometimes? Where does that leave you if you don’t help them?
Quite possibly in a mood, sulking on your own. Feeling unloved, misunderstood and questioning your relationship. And it’s blooming horrible and lonely when you feel like that.
But you know what? You really don’t have to. There’s a quick way to get what you want and feel more connected to the people that matter.
Ask for what you need.
That’s right. It’s that simple and that tricky.
Tricky because when we feel troubled we often also feel vulnerable. Scared to say what’s wrong or ask for help in case we don’t get the response we want. But I can help you feel the fear and do it anyway. Just follow these simple steps:
Stop expecting them to be psychic I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Drop your pride and your defences and give them the chance to understand you better.
Ask yourself what you need to hear This was the subject of my last blog. Check in with yourself. Do you need reassurance, to be encouraged, to be understood? Perhaps you don’t need them to say anything, just listen or give you a cuddle? Work out what’s going to hit the spot for you.
Ask for what you need Take a deep breath and dive in, using simple language; e.g “Can I rant for a bit?” or “I’m worried about X, can you reassure me?” or “I feel sad, can I have a hug?” Being so direct might feel weird, scary or uncomfortable at first. But the more you do it, the better you will get at it.
And when you’ve worked through these three steps, it’s time to give yourself a massive pat on the back. You’ve been brave, clear and emotionally intelligent - and you’ve given your relationship the chance to grow.
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