Three things I’ve learnt about imposter syndrome
EVERYONE HAS IT I’ve been coaching for ten years and every single one of my clients has talked to me about imposter syndrome – worried that any minute someone will show up and say: “Oh no, no, no… you shouldn’t be here. GET OUT.” I would be so bold as to say that 99% of people experience it. The other 1% are cockwombles. And you know what, even the most arrogant of them still have chinks of self-doubt. They just don’t admit to it.
TRYING TO SQUASH IT IS A WASTE OF TIME Beware of anyone who tries to convince you that you can ‘cure’ imposter syndrome. Accept it exists and use your energy for something far more constructive, like building up your self-belief. What’s great about you? Give yourself credit for your unique skills and personality. Bigging yourself up can feel cringey and unnatural at first but, done often, you get used to it. What do you have going for you already? Focus on this instead of what you think you lack.
IT CAN BE VERY USEFUL As uncomfortable as it feels, when you feel insecure it can give you really valuable info. Dig beneath the surface to find out where your imposter syndrome roots lie. Which situations make you nervous? Are you comparing yourself to anyone? Would you benefit from further training, preparation or coaching? What do you need to feel more confident and less icky? Ask the question, and then ask why again and again until you strike gold; the answer that makes your stomach twist.
Do any of these three pointers strike a chord or make you feel better? If not, then read number one again. It’s not just you. The way you’re feeling is so common.
It’s also easy to believe you’re a fraud when you’re spinning multiple plates.
When you have many roles in life, your day-to-day can feel like climbing a massive sand dune in slingbacks – while simultaneously preparing a 40-slide presentation, making macaroni cheese and balancing a jug of water on your head.
No wonder that, on a rubbish day, you don’t feel like you have enough brain to go round or that you’re not good at anything.
But please trust that the opposite is true. You are doubting yourself because you care about doing things really bloody well. So your standards are already high.
My advice? Take one minute at the end of each day, before you close your eyes, to pat yourself on the back. Spot the big ticks in your day. You did those things. Notice the ripple effect you have had on other people. You made that difference.
The more you do this, the more mental muscle you will build. And the more you can reframe imposter syndrome (and then poke it in the eye and blow an optional raspberry if you wish).
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