Do you need to get rid of some labels?
I had an unpleasant experience the other day… with someone who jackknifed me straight back to being 11 years old, when I was bullied and told that I was square and unwanted. Ouch.
Of course they didn’t say those harsh words. They probably didn’t even see me that way. But I felt judged and that prodded scar tissue in my head, so my brain decided to link the two situations together. And that’s what happens without us realising it every day.
Psychologists call it ‘confirmation bias’. We search for, or interpret, information to confirm what we believe or fear to be true. Sadly, nine times out of ten these ‘beliefs’ are actually just well-worn labels that other people have given us. Or, even more scarily, labels that we have slapped on ourselves.
Here’s a quick exercise for you to get to grips with this. You know when you’re asked about your strengths and weaknesses in a job interview? What do you say? I bet you have a well-practised speech eh?
So tell me… what are you good at? What are you ‘bad’ at? And while we’re at it, what are your best qualities and your worst? Don’t hold back now, I want to hear all the most cringe-worthy judgements that are stuck in the nooks and crannies of your mind.
Got some? Great. These labels keep you in a box. You judge yourself and then project this to the world. Then other people expect you to behave that way.
Your world gets a lot bigger and brighter when you uncover your labels (limiting beliefs) and decide to rewrite your inner script. Allow me to demonstrate:
Old label
Hi I’m Jen. I’m good at singing but rubbish at sports. I’m great with words but I’m allergic to Excel documents.
New label
Hi I’m Jen. I’m a brilliant singer and I’m enjoying learning how to lift weights. I’m fantastic with words, and I can learn more about Excel so I feel more confident creating spreadsheets.
Little tweaks my friend. They make a big difference. They make things seem possible instead of a dead end. Especially when it comes to the way you talk to and about yourself.
Oh and when you run through your labels, don’t forget to massively blow your own trumpet when it comes to the things you rate about yourself (like I did with my singing). As Piglet from Winnie the Pooh said: “The things that make me different are the things that make me, me.”
You are extraordinary, so celebrate it.
P.S. I ran a workshop yesterday for my wider communications team on how to get rid of labels and expand courage zones. It was fun and generated loads of honest and healthy discussion. We all have outdated or limiting ideas about ourselves - and we all have control over how we talk to ourselves in a far more constructive way.
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